Woman Expects Fiancé's Teenage Son to Be a Free Babysitter at Her Wedding, His Refusal Leads to Tension in the Soon-to-Be Family

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 24, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, internet gals and pals. Large age gaps between siblings are not really ideal to foster healthy and positive sibling dynamics. There are exceptions, of course, but generally, siblings with big age gaps end up feeling more like cousins or other distant relatives. They typically do not have anything in common as they are always in extremely different stages in life. After the older sibling moves out, the pair probably only see each other over holidays or school breaks unless they make an effort to make a connection. Before that, the older sibling is likely pressured and expected to take care of and help raise the younger. This can also lead to resentment as no teenager wants to be tasked to babysit their young sisters or brothers. 

In our story today, a teen is expected to babysit for free at his own father's wedding, which would lead him to miss the entire ceremony. His dad's fiancée tries to guilt him to change his mind, but he holds his ground. Scroll down for the details.

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  • 01
    r/AmltheA u/Few_System_3289.19h AITA for refusing to babysit my dad's fiancée's kids during their wedding? Not the
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 02
    My dad and his fiancée Kirsten (both late 30s) are getting married in January. Kirsten has three kids under 8. Dad has me (17m). My mom died 11 years ago. Kirsten's ex husband is alive but doesn't play a role in the lives of their kids (except child support which is apparently taken from his income because he wasn't paying). Her kids don't remember their dad and so dad and Kirsten are hoping dad will become their new dad. I met Kirsten 4-5 months ago and her kids around the same time and given
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 03
    my age and the fact I did fine with just me and dad, I'm not looking for Kirsten to fill any sort of maternal or motherly role. I also don't think I'll be engaging with Kirsten's kids as a sibling. This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them, and someone who might babysit on occasion. But mostly someone who'd make a point to spend time with them. But I'm not planning on spending too much time with them. I have plans for once I turn 18. My dad always knew this.
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 04
    So this has fed into the whole babysitting the kids during the wedding stuff. Kirsten says since I won't be 18 when they get married and I'll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding. My dad admitted she's hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone to her kids. I said no when I was initially asked and I was clear with my no. Kirsten told me it wasn't like I was looking forward to the wedding
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 05
    anyway so why not agree to babysit. She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids. I said no. Dad said he'd pay me to do it if I was agreeable to money for it. But then Kirsten was saying it would be hurtful if I wouldn't do it as a favor to my growing family. Dad told her it was expecting a little too much. She argued that if I'm there, and still living with him, I should be willing, and that I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it's incredibly childish.
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 06
    There was some more back and forth about it. Kirsten got really when I said it again, as clearly as I could, that I won't babysit during the wedding. Dad said he'd pay for a sitter but Kirsten said I should really be more willing here. That dad and I don't have an awful relationship so why won't I give all this a chance and make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone. AITA? 6,771 1,783 D
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 07
    NTA Far_Awareness_4510 - 19h Partassipant [1] 1. Why you are not invited to the wedding if she wants to be part your family? 2. If your dad is willing to pay for it, why he dont pay someone who wants the job? Reply 7.7k
    via u/Far_Awareness_4510
  • 08
    Few_System_3289 OP. 19h I'm invited but they want me to babysit during the wedding. Like keep watch over the kids. Kirsten wants me to do it. 4.2k
    via u/Few_System_3289
  • 09
    HubbaBekah • 18h . Exactly. They are not treating OP like a guest who will celebrate with them. Also, it's his responsibility to work during a wedding because he's still living with them as a minor? NTA ... ← 94
    via u/HubbaBekah
  • 10
    Bonnm42.19h Partassipant [2] I would tell Kirsten point blank, right in front of your Dad "You're marrying my Dad. I do not come with the marriage as a free babysitter for your kids. I'm 17 years old. I don't need a Mother or siblings. It is my choice what kind of relationship I have with you or your kids." Than look at your Dad and say "Keep in mind I will be 18 soon. If you want to remain in contact with me and not have me resent you, I suggest you talk to your future Wife and further drive th
    via u/Bonnm42
  • 11
    Shadow11Wolf50 • 18h Further add in to father's fiancé; "Your expectations for me are unrealistic, and you failed to consider my feelings and expectations before you got this fantasy of a "cool older sibling," aka a free babysitter, stuck in your head. Stop pressuring an unqualified teenager who has their own life planned out ahead of them to pick up your slack." 1.8k
    via u/Shadow11Wolf50
  • 12
    00 Amelora 15h • "I am not a prop for you fantasy of a Pinterest perfect instant family." 517
    via u/Amelora
  • 13
    Spiritual_Address_18. 17h Tell her bluntly: "you don't see me as a big brother to you kids, you only see my as a free babysitter. I won't accept payment for my dad. They're not his kids. They're yours. Until the day you say I do, they're your kids only. YOU SHOULD be the one who pay me for the babysitting service." ... 170
    via u/Spiritual_Address_18
  • 14
    NTA. mknit • 19h Your dad seems to be on your side so that's a big plus on his part. The new wife seems to want a built in family and does not understand that not everyone will warm up to three kids under 8 right away.
    via u/mknit
  • 15
    P.s I'm just judging her for having 3kids under eight and then having a not so great relationship with the ex, AND expecting you to welcome her with open arms, when it's been very obvious that you and dad have been doing well for the last 11 years on your own without your mom. I don't begrudge your dad for wanting companionship, but someone with three kids under 8 is a handful. Reply 1.2k
    via u/mknit
  • 16
    DRTVL • 19h OP has met her 4-5 months ago, she sure seems in a hurry to get married. Dad might want companionship, but i'm getting the idea she is looking for a replacement dad who is more willing to pay for those kids considering their dad wasn't paying and it is now taken from his income. I don't see a red flag, i see an entire parade USSR style. ... 675
    via u/DRTVL
  • 17
    mlc885 19h • Pooperintendant [60] NTA Just continue to tell her that it is not happening. And on the day of the wedding do not let her abandon the kids with you. She can find a friend to babysit her kids at the wedding if that is necessary. Reply 300
    via u/mlc885
  • 18
    Such-Awareness-2960 - 19h Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] NTA. You said no multiple times. Point out to your dad that Kristen actions are already causing tension in your relationship. Let him know he needs to shut it down if he doesn't want things to turn hostile between you, him, and her. ← Reply 233
    via u/Such-Awareness-2960
  • 19
    Fun-Perception-666 • 19h NTA. I guarantee this is just the beginning. If you agree now then you're going to become the instant free babysitter whenever she wants until you move out. Stick to your guns. Reply 159
    via u/Fun-Perception-666
  • 20
    NTA teresajs • 19h Sultan of Sphincter [861] ALL of Kirsten's language so far has been code for the fact that she wants "free babysitting". The wedding is just one of the steps in manipulating you into babysitting for her on the regular.
    via u/teresajs
  • 21
    Don't let her leave her kids with you for even a minute. Your Dad seems like he's on your side of this issue, so far. Explain to him that you're happy that he's found someone he cares about, but that Kirsten isn't respecting your autonomy as a near- adult. Tell him that due to Kirsten's unreasonable pressure, you feel that's it's necessary to reiterate that you will NEVER be willing to babysit, nor to be responsible in any way for her kids. Be clear that if Kirsten ever leaves the house with her
    via u/teresajs
  • 22
    bepsigir 19h • NTA- tell your dad that you want to be at the wedding to support him, but since it is becoming clear that you were only invited to help babysit, you will have to decline the invitation. Hopefully, your dad will see how far this has spiraled and put a stop to the babysitting requests. ... Reply 120
    via u/bepsigir
  • 23
    ΝΤΑ Defiant-Historian800 ⚫ 19h You can't force a sibling relationship, and clearly you. don't want one. Kirsten needs to learn that, and how to respect your boundaries. I'm glad your Dad is in your corner. Hopefully he can help her understand. ← Reply 109 ↓
    via u/Defiant-Historian800

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